The day we arrived in Siem Reap was Justin’s birthday. I made it our first order of business to find cake. I had missed out on cake for my birthday and wanted to make sure it didn’t happen again. But, really, I didn’t need that much of an excuse.
Siem Reap only exists in its current form because of Angkor Wat. Angkor Wat is the biggest draw in Cambodia by far, and maybe the biggest tourist attraction in all of southeast Asia. Siem Reap, therefore, is understandably full of tourists and the stuff tourists like, such as $.50 beer and mediocre bakeries. We were there for Angkor Wat, so that’s what we did. And also, maybe some of that other stuff.
Angkor Wat is only the central temple in the larger city of Angkor. It may have been the most important of the lot, but I don’t think it is the most impressive. The enormous moat is a sight and the complex is large, but the temple itself is just a version of most other wats turned up to 11. It didn’t help that green construction tarps over the front facade were a huge middle finger in all the best photo ops. I thought the coolest temple was Bayon, covered in over 200 carved faces of some guy named Avalokiteshvara.
someone staring at you is creepy. Two hundred people staring from every direction? Oddly intriguing
I also got to play with a tiny puppy who lived in a hole under one of the staircases there. That upped Bayon’s adorable level quite a bit.
The rest of Angkor has many many other structures, including one temple used to film such cinematic masterpieces as Tomb Raider. Most everything only has a Khmer name, with the exception of the translated Terrace of Elephants and the Terrace of the Leper King. The Terrace of the Leper King, by the way, is the most awesomest name anything has ever had ever. Screw a band, I want to name my kid after it.
To get around Angkor you can go on a tour bus, hire a tuk-tuk, or rent a bicycle. The tuk-tuk is by far the most popular option. Team America chose to bike. There are two circuits around the city, one long, one short. Somehow we inadvertently started on the longer circuit. Once you’re on it there’s really no way to get off of it, so we had to finish the whole thing. We wound up biking over 45 kilometers (that’s 28 miles for the metrically challenged) that day by accident, missing lunch and going through about 5 liters (or 1.3 gallons. Learn the metric system already, gosh!) of water apiece. For dinner we each ate an entire pizza. It was the most delicious food I’ve ever had ever.
After our Tour de Angkor we treated ourselves to a tethered balloon ride to get a better vantage of Angkor Wat. The view was farther away than it seemed from the ground and the green middle finger hadn’t gone away, so it was only a so-so treat.
The next day we went to different ruins in the ancient city of Roluos, this time with a tuk-tuk*. The Roluos group predates Angkor but is much smaller, both in the number of temples and their sizes. We still saw some interesting things, though. At one site we stumbled upon lunch time for hundreds of Buddhist monks and nuns.
instead of "nom nom" they make a cute "ohm ohm" sound
*I think if we had tried to bike again my legs would have fallen off. But then I guess I could have sat around the Terrace of the Leper King all day in fake bandages playing funny gags on people. Oh man, and I thought the Terrace of the Leper King couldn’t get any cooler.
At another site we talked for a while with a monk who taught an English class for local kids. He was a friendly guy so we gave him a couple of bucks for a dictionary he had mentioned wanting to buy. Because that’s just the kind of magnanimous dudes we are. We also got to experience our tuk-tuk getting a flat tire. This involved no monks at all. It was pretty lame.
Before we left town we wanted to catch a sunset from one wat on the highest hill in Angkor. When we got there, around about the time you would to watch the sun set, the way up was closed and roped off. Demonstrating that no problem can’t be overcome with a bit of cash, we gave the guard $1 and scrambled up a “path” through the woods up the side of the hill. The temple was interesting and worth the visit, but the sunset was meh. If my recollection is correct that was my first for-real, unambiguous bribe, so the trip was worth it for the street cred alone.
Angkor is cool and worth visiting. But I can’t stress this enough: DO NOT go to Stung Treng.
Ira on the Road 
How long have you been waiting to use that “ohm ohm” joke?
You’d be surprised how long I wait to use most of my jokes. Wait, maybe you woudn’t.
I think you plan your activities around the jokes you’re waiting to write.